In college, I got invited to a girl’s house for a “home-cooked” meal. The recipe called for 2 cloves of garlic and she used 2 HEADS of garlic. I sweated out garlic for a month! But all’s well that ends well — we’ve been married for almost 30 years and she still can’t cook!
On our third date, he complained about his troubles with online dating and said that all the women in our city were too shallow and stuck up to date him.
I was not really feeling that line of conversation but I also understand that all that dating can do a number on one’s outlook. So I told him that I was sorry he’d had a rough go at online dating, but on a very selfish level, I was glad he wasn’t out on a date with any of those other women because I found him attractive, intelligent, and funny and I was excited for the chance to get to know each other better.
He smiled. Then he asked me why attractive women never go out with him.
The first time I met my wife, she was convinced there were 52 states in the US. When I suggested there were only 50 states, she called her brother who confirmed that there were, in fact, 52 states.
I went on a date to a pretty nice restaurant and when the check came, my card got declined. I tried another credit card that I hadn’t used in a very long time and that got declined too. Apparently, there was some fraudulent activity on my account. My date didn’t have her wallet on her so I had to run home, leaving her at the restaurant, while I got my roommate to spot me cash. We both agreed it’d be the easiest if I just stepped out and she stayed behind so they didn’t call the police or anything. But that must’ve been an awkward 45 minutes for that poor girl. I got things straightened out and we actually went on a few more dates but I felt awful leaving her behind.
I met a guy online and we saw a movie on our first date. At the end of the night when he was acting like he was going in for a kiss, he put his whole mouth over my nose and blew into it. He started laughing and said he does this to his dogs and calls it a “puppy trumpet.”
My friend Liz: Hey guys!
Me and Sarah (surprise): Oh! Hi Liz!
Liz: Are you on a date?
Me (instantly): Yes.
Sarah (instantly): No.
— Silence —
The date was so bad I gave the server 20 bucks to spill my drink on me to get me out of there. #worstfirstdate
My date took me to a nice restaurant. Our server leaned in and said, “You’re the third one this week.”